I am a 29-year-old girl from Norway where I work as a psychologist. On my free time I love to read, travel and experience new things. I also like taking photos and creative activities like scrapbooking and decoupage. My personality? For those of you who know the BIG 5 personality test, I am high on Openness, Conscientiousness, middle on agreeable and on extroversion/introversion. It basically means that I`m a flexible person, work hard, usually don`t make a fuss and love to be with others, while also needing to be alone to think and calm down. I also want to add that I love the Italian language, my family, Haruki Murakami, good music and my friends. I am VERY emotional, but calm when I have to be. Earlier I had a tendency to put other`s needs first, believing that I wasn`t worthy of any attention myself. Luckily I have grown in heart and mind since then, and learnt that being there for others mean taking care of your own needs first.
This blog is a blend of my personal story (called narrative or the sound of..) topics related to psychology and just random things I find interesting. I work daily as a clinical psychologist, and most of my clients have been abused and neglected in heartbreaking ways. Many of my posts will cover subjects related to trauma and dissociation. I am quite open and honest in my posts, because I believe it might make us psychologist less mysterious.
Most of the psychologist I know are kind, intelligent people. Some with their own stories, but all with a genuine wish to help. In this blog I want to share what I know about overcoming challenges and following your dreams.
Since more and more people have started to read this blog, I unfortunately found it necessary to password protect some of my more personal posts. If you want to read them, feel free to contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I am also on twitter (@ninjafighter), instagram and Facebook. I also have two other blogs that are dedicated to psychology and the “Kindness project” that I started one year ago, You find them here: Free psychology and The kindness project.
In the last blog I post interviews with different people. I ask them questions about good things they do, and my hope is that their answers will inspire others to do be kind towards others. I have also invited guest bloggers to share their stories on “Free psychology”. They are brilliant writers, so feel to explore their story on this blog. I am always open to invite more bloggers who want to write, so feel free to contact me at any time if you`d like to write about topics relevant for the blog.
I started my blog three years ago, and it has grown so fast I almost can`t believe it. I am really proud of it, and grateful because I have made new friends and found other blogs that I like.
I want to thank all my readers and offer some encouragement to everyone who suffers or have done so in the past. I have been in the deepest valleys myself, and felt emotional pain so intense that I was afraid of it.
I hope this blog might prove that the fight for a better life is worth it.
- What Are the Different Types of Psychologists and What Do They Do? (psychology.about.com)
Psychologist also need to blow off steam (but silently)
Some of you might wonder what a psychologist do in their free time. I can of course, only use myself as a reference, even if I also have friends with the same profession as me. I know that some of them go on mountain trips, use time with friends, spend time with their family and travel. They often wish they had more time to read articles, books and psychological updates, but they choose the things most important for them at that time.
Some of you might hope for something sensational. Maybe you imagine me going to fancy parties with a lot of glamorous people, while sipping champagne. Or you think I use all my time on charity, either with people or small puppies. Maybe some even have a picture of me doing really strange things, like using voodoo-dolls, or perfecting my skills in collecting stamps. Like you probably realize, that’s not how I live. I also like to do things mentioned in connection with my colleagues, but also have other stuff I do, just for me. Sometimes I have time-limited projects, like last year when I started a facebook-group where I tried to connect people in my city with each other, which led to some new friendships and a lot of fun activities (photography course, cooking-course and hair-styling course, in addition to several nice dinners). I have also worked hard with learning Italian, and use some time on this blog (have always loved to write). I also love to read and scrapbook. The pictures are some project of mine, and now I am working with making “posters” for my office, with full of inspirational quotes and ideas. I have already put up three of them at my office, and have been a bit disappointed that no patients have commented on them so far (either they are too ugly, or they simply do not notice it. In that case, I should be pleased, since that must mean they pay attention to our conversations). I have also made some posters related to food. I use the scrapbook method, and focus on pasting things like recipes and information about healthy food, on them.
It’s also relaxing for me to just think, but unfortunately I use too little time on that. Sometimes I make food, and when routine kicks in, my thoughts start to roll in every direction. I can also sit and sip some tea, and let the thoughts wander for a while (until I burn my tongue) Sadly, other than that, my nose if often buried too deep in a book to get any thinking done. But as I have learn, too much thinking is not necessarily a good thing, either.
What I also do, is train a lot. I go swimming mostly three times a week, and this week I also had a little biking tour. I was deliciously sweaty and pumped afterwards, but it felt so good to feel the wind in my hair and finally get some daylight on my white skin. One problem with working long days and using my car all the time, is that I forget that there exist something called nature, weather or fresh air. Lovely to be reminded of that, once in a while.
I think everyone needs to blow off some steam, once in a while, and if you found my activities boring, I still hope this might have made you think about what YOU like to do! If not, at least you know even more about a psychologist life!
That`s all for now!
Video Posted on
I work together with a young man who has started a private clinic in our town. He treats people with different sort of pain, and I help him with some of the patients. Pain is maybe the most psychological phenomena on earth, which is no wonder if you think about it. People born without pain, die early because they don´t stay away from things that hurt them. They don`t learn that it`s dangerous to touch a stove, and don`t seek shade from the sun if the skin burns. They might recognize that something`s not right, by observing blood pumping from a wound, but if the wound is not possible to spot, they won´t seek help before the loss is too great. Without pain we can`t live, so it`s not really strange that we have perfected its function. In addition to stimuli from the outside, pain is also regulated from our insides. People know how pain-killers can reduce a throbbing head, and opioids has been used for decades for numbing the senses to a degree that leads to dangerous addictions. But pain can be relieved with our minds, too. This video shows a woman in Iran using hypnosis because of an allergic reaction to anesthesia so that she can get a Cesarean. This shows an extreme example of how powerful the mind can be.
Thee train is pulling me further and further away from all the Britishness I learned to love on the Asia-trip. I`ve just waved goodbye to Hannah, Gemma and my fantastic friend Matt.
Gemma just had her exam, and was a bit tired, but it was hard to notice, since nothing in the world can stop her from being just marvelous. She’s one of a kind, and it was lovely seeing her. Hannah was also full of life, that she spread all around her with vigor. We talked about all we could on the hours we had, and I couldn’t feel better.
One day later, and I`m sitting on the train to Gatwick, listening to stars by Nelly furtado, which makes me calm and happy. It’s so beautiful outside; The skyline colored pink, the grass blessed with thousands small snow crystals. I’ve had my tea, warming me to the core with blissful contentment. I feel completely free and ready for whatever my destiny will bring.
Even if I didn’t get much sleep last night either, it seems like my body has adjusted to it, so that I don’t feel the tiredness. Everything was completely worth it. Life should be like this, doing what you feel without regretting anything. Seeing Gemma and Hannah was fantastic, like I hoped for.
We ate in Chinatown and then went for the most amazing unhealthy sin: Ice cream at haegens. I’ve also had a good day before that, even if my luck for practical coincidences has left me for the time (which is completely okay, since maybe my loveometer is finally ready to warm up again, after being far to occupied with staying under freezing-point at any time)
Some days later, I’m sitting in a hotel in the capital city of Norway, in a different mood. I’m waiting for a friend I will hang out without this evening, and I`m a bit restless. I’ve overslept today, since I hadn`t turned on the sound on my iPhone, so suddenly the clock was 10.00 in the morning, and I came late for the course I’m attending. Honestly, wasn’t one of my top days, since I was ‘being a therapist’ in front of the group we were divided into, and frankly became too friendly with some of my nerves. I was unfocused and almost asked questions at random.
It’s not good when you want something so much, that you lose it exactly because of it; A never-ending theme it seems. Even worse, by one more crazy coincidence, I ended up in a group where my earlier therapist was. I so look up to her, and maybe wanted to show her that I developed since I went to her, but I don’t think I managed to do anything else than make myself miserable. It was so strange to see her again, in that setting. She knew I would be there, but I hadn’t checked the attending list before, so I was one big knot of confusion and surprise when I saw her.
We got the chance to talk a little, and I said where I work, and that I’m doing good. She said: I always knew you would make it, and that was so lovely to hear. A therapist means so much to the people who come to them, and being with her gave me such respect to what a person can accomplish in somebody’s else’s life, that I always wanted to give others the same, and I wanted her to see that I’ve learned that from her, exactly HOW much she meant, but just couldn’t.
I guess we all have experiences like that, and it’s not the end of the world, but I’m still thinking about it and must probably mull it over for a while.
Some days later, and I’m not thinking too much about it. The rest of my time in Oslo was brilliant, I met old friends and also said hello to new ones. Should actually been in Førde by know, but the plane is two hours late, so there won’t be many pieces of the day left when I return. Tomorrow it’s back to work, and that will be okay. Always a little anticipation before I check who I will talk with that day. I hope that they managed fine the week I was away, and that there hasn`t been a crisis for any of them.
Hope my readers had a good weekend ?
PTSD, the black, sterile letters from the screen are screaming. The clock is 13.30, and a dark something has been sliding between our feet, where it slipped past us silently. Light and dark has always been in conflict with each other, so much that the other colors were miffed by coating of the void left after the fight. It’s impossible to win a war that never had the possibility of victory in its programming, impossible to learn something good from something that’s wrong.
Hours pass by relentlessly, and 8 days has gone since I sat in a meeting-room, learning yet again how wrong everything can go, how madness lurks behind every corner of safety. It’s the bomb exploding when you really tried to step at the right places, the unspeakable acts of people who should be your protectors. Trauma strikes before and after you take a breath, it’s real dangers in its unpredictability, in the soft caress of your skin before a slap, the sudden death where life was moments before. When our mind can’t make sense of it, it leaves you grasping for meaning in something that’s just chaos.
Every one of us have their stories, rarely we go through life without feeling pins pricking our skin. Most of it heal and hide the marks, but some wounds bleed again or the needles strike you at another piece of skin. In my work I’ve encountered different kind and types of wounds. Some still bleed their hurt, some of them are on the brink of reopening and some healed the wrong way, and must be healed one more time. People bear them in different ways and on different parts of their bodies, some visible, some under layers of clothes and some covered by make-up. My job is about this healing process, always searching for hidden ones, making sure their healing properly and keeping them free from infections that threaten the organism. It’s even more important for me to be sterile, so that I make sure that I offer a safe haven to open and plaster the wounds.
Life has been stable in its instability the last two weeks. I keep longing for something lost, and having a hard time resisting whispering thoughts trying to tell me there’s hope.
It’s not long since his arms where there, resting over my shoulder. It’s not long since the beats of his heart reached the ear I placed on his chest. It’s not so long since I felt safe there, and I had the feeling that no matter what happened around me, I would be fine, if I just could lay still and hear the thumping sounds of life running through him. To let go of that safety is pain, it’s trusting that I will do the same thing again, with somebody else. Sometimes it’s hard to believe: How do you replace love that you gave everything for? How do you find the energy and will to use it once again? It’s not that I think somebody else is the only was to happiness, more that I know how good it can be to really love someone and being loved in return. I have so much to give and I hope somebody out there will awake the possibility of me releasing it again.
This is already a wonderful day, even if I was torn out of sleep by kids ex exercising their finger muscles on my door bell. I tried to hide in the shadow as I opened because of my frankenstein’s face mask, but by their swift disappearance, I’m not sure I managed. They brought a present; My snow-White mate for life, little Amadeus. He’s been naughty as usual, but wasnt away for long this time, and that wasnt to bad either, since I had a visitor yesterday.
Today I’m going to Bergen together with Helene. The anticipation is brimming: I will see my psycholgy Friends, my sister, my best friend and a lot of other Friends, and will in addition to that play boardgames, maybe Even Resistance, which is the best social game ever made that I know of! I have also done a lot lately, for example met a lot of warm and inspiring psychologist, organized things for my group (am now planning a hike to a cabin) and read about mentalization. I’ve had the best chatts, and talked a lot with an amazing guy. Can’t believe my luck, it was worth fighting away the hurt, rejection and dissapointment that lingered from the bad choices I made. I feel free, and will devour every bit of life with vigor. I have so many good things now: Wonderful and caring friends in many cities, a great family, the best job where I help the nicest people find their inner beauty, all the things I need, and my Italian course, that produce goose-bumps when I discover yet another beautiful word that gives my ear another reason to listen to magic.
Remember this: even if everything is as bad as it can be, you will get the price in the end. Or like my mother said; Nothing is so bad that it can’t be fixed. I believe that, and if you don’t, listen to my and others stories, and don’t forget you’ve felt good before.
This week`s been really busy, so I did not get the chance to update my blog here. Will try to start on my third part of the narrative, soon. I can just tell you, very briefly, that my ex-boyfriend survived the storm. He was safer than I thought, but while nature showed its scary face, I did not know that. I woke after a nightmare at 4.30 in the morning, checked my email with a pounding hearth, and felt relief ripping through me, when I saw everything was okay.
For people who want to see pictures, or who can read norwegian, I have updated my Norwegian blog: La vita e bella. The name stems from my love to the Italian language and culture, its a celebration of the good in life, and I am much more optimistic in that one, than in this, which is much more honest and true than my Norwegian counterpart.
So: Here it is! If you have any questions, feel free to ask 🙂
Many people Ask: Where do I begin When they get the possibility to tell their story. Since I work with people every day, I have heard many variants, and I will no chose the overview variant to give you an idea of who I am and how I became that way. I am already, in the age of 26 (27 in two days) eager to share my story, and maybe that gives me many fascinating stories in return. I have always been interested in other people. I guess that explains hours spent on movies, reading and reality shows. Today I work with what I love, talking to people from 8-16 as a therapist. People usually Ask : don’t You Get tired of it? My answer still is: No! Even if I read hundred books, I never get tired of that either. Some books are better than others of course, but I love it when I find something that manage to surprise me, and humans never stop to amaze me. Every person has their own personality, that you usually grasp automatically based on intuition, that unexplained x-factor that make you love and hate, sometimes because of unknown reasons. To hear how someone became like that, is like opening a gift box. You may have inklings of what might come, but it never ceases to surprise me. It can be a touching description of somebody’s day, for example how they worried that their mother would be hit by a car, or a summary of their childhood. It can be how they talk, dress and behave, and even better, it’s changing every time a person experience something new.
I feel in many ways that I have my essence still, but outwardly and inwardly I have also changed a lot. When I look at video-camera footage of myself, I almost get a bit ashamed. Was that me? How could I be so obnoxious? The same thing happens when I look at my writing from back then. I could not understand what I did wrong, now it blinks and announces itself with great vigor, and I have to smile at my high hopes.
I hope my life story will be okay for somebody to read, too. It’s full of sad, happy and normal memories, but I know nobody out there has exactly the same story as me, in that case I would like to meet you very much! If you have questions along the way, please feel free to ask.
Will start writing my story as fast as possible, please stay tuned for more.