books

Empathic vampires

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We become vampires with getting bitten. In other words: we are becoming more empathetic.

The wisdom of psychopaths, Kevin Dutton

Get the whole book here

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The book review week

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This week I will only post reviews of great books. Before I start, is there sometimes you would be more interested to read about ? Let me know, I have many books related to psychology I can present.

Lost connections

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Lost connections by Johann Hari is simply the best book I’ve ever read. It asks all the right questions and it also provides many possible answers. I hope this will be a book that ultimately will change our society and the way we think about mental illness. Working as a psychologist myself, it felt like somebody finally provided solutions that will work in therapy and possibly change.

This synopsis is copied from goodreads:

From the New York Times bestselling author of Chasing the Scream: The First and Last Days of the War on Drugs, a startling challenge to our thinking about depression and anxiety.

Award-winning journalist Johann Hari suffered from depression since he was a child and started taking antidepressants when he was a teenager. He was told—like his entire generation—that his problem was caused by a chemical imbalance in his brain. As an adult, trained in the social sciences, he began to investigate this question—and he learned that almost everything we have been told about depression and anxiety is wrong.34921573Across the world, Hari discovered social scientists who were uncovering the real causes—and they are mostly not in our brains, but in the way we live today. Hari’s journey took him from the people living in the tunnels beneath Las Vegas, to an Amish community in Indiana, to an uprising in Berlin—all showing in vivid and dramatic detail these new insights. They lead to solutions radically different from the ones we have been offered up until now.

Just as Chasing the Scream transformed the global debate about addiction, with over twenty million views for his TED talk and the animation based on it, Lost Connections will lead us to a very different debate about depression and anxiety—one that shows how, together, we can change

Scared selfless

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61lGujJeS3L__SX329_BO1,204,203,200_Some stories bury themselves deep into your soul, leaving marks and holes. When the marks are gone, scars appear to remind you not to forget. This story did that to me. From now on, I will not forget. I will not forget that there is always hope, no matter how terrible your life was. Because this book is about extreme abuse. This post might be triggering, so refrain from reading further if you can be triggered.

I have just read Scared Selfless by Michelle Stevens. It is hard to describe how important this book was to me. Working as a psychologist myself, this was like finding the famous needle in the haystack. When I stumbled upon it on audible, i knew it was about trauma, but I had no idea that it also was about multiple personality disorder and that the author (a psychotherapist) was the one sharing her story. When I first listened to it, my boyfriend heard the first chapter too. Unfortunately, he couldn’t stomach the horrible abuse Stevens has experienced as he started to think about his own daughters. For me, it was impossible to stop listening. It was such an emotional journey, taking me from despair to horror and then hope. There has been such a long time since a book managed to evoke these feelings in me, and I realized one thing: Humans must keep searching for stories like these, that reminds us there’s always hope; That we truly are survivors, no matter what we’ve experienced. I will take this book with me in all conversations with my lovely clients from now on. And if I ever feel hopelessness, or that I can’t offer anything more, I shall remember that is just not true. By loving what you do and remembering why you do it, we can all change lives. Ourselves and others.

From Amazon:

“A riveting memoir that takes readers on a roller coaster ride from the depths of hell to triumphant success.”—Dave Pelzer, author of A Child Called It

Michelle Stevens has a photo of the exact moment her childhood was stolen from her: She’s only eight years old, posing for her mother’s boyfriend, Gary Lundquist—an elementary school teacher, neighborhood stalwart, and brutal pedophile. Later that night, Gary locks Michelle in a cage, tortures her repeatedly, and uses her to quench his voracious and deviant sexual whims. Little does she know that this will become her new reality for the next six years.

Michelle can also pinpoint the moment she reconstituted the splintered pieces of her life: She’s in cap and gown, receiving her PhD in psychology—and the university’s award for best dissertation.

The distance between these two points is the improbable journey from torture, loss, and mental illness to healing, recovery, and triumph that is Michelle’s powerful memoir, Scared Selfless.

Michelle suffered from post‐traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, and depression, and made multiple suicide attempts. She also developed multiple personalities. There was “Chelsey,” the rebellious teenager; “Viscous,” a tween with homicidal rage; and “Sarah,” a sweet little girl who brought her teddy bear on a first date.

In this harrowing tale, Michelle, who was inspired to help others heal by becoming a psychotherapist, sheds light on the all-too-real threat of child sexual abuse, its subsequent psychological effects, and the best methods for victims to overcome their ordeals and, ultimately, thrive. Scared Selfless is both an examination of the extraordinary feats of the mind that are possible in the face of horrific trauma as well as Michelle’s courageous testament to their power.

Thank you Stevens, for sharing your story.

If you are a survivor of abuse yourself this homepage might be of help. Finding a good therapist can help too. Don’t be afraid of trying to find help, it can help you to heal.

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The age of generosity

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Some weeks ago, I read a wondeful book by Kathrine Aspaas. I dived into her book, and absolutely loved it. When we read the news, it`s easy to feel overwhelmed. There is so much pain, tragedy and suffering. But there is also hope. So many possibilities. She describes how our vulnerabilities are what makes us strong. If you have ever felt ashamed or like you have to hide, this book will lift your spirits. It might even free you.

I am including a ted-talk where she talks about the age of generosity. Maybe she will inspire you too?

Do you have any book recommendations for me?

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This year I’ve read over 90 books. Some in paper form, some as audiobooks. I use every opportunity I have: In my car, in between meetings and in the comfort of my bed. Some books have moved me deeply, some have taken me new places and some entertained me. Surely, some are already forgotten, and then I think: why did I waste my time on that book? Now I have a week to read a lot, and I don’t want to make the mistake of reading books that doesn’t give me anything. So my question to you is: Can you recommend a book to me? If you want to see books I’ve already read, feel free to check out my Goodreads account. 

Thanks in advance! 

My Goodreads page

The sound of originals

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Right now I am reading originals. It is an inspiring book that I already have learnt a lot from.

The #1 New York Times bestseller that examines how people can champion new ideas—and how leaders can fight groupthink, from the author of Give and Take

“Reading Originals made me feel like I was seated across from Adam Grant at a dinner party, as one of my favorite thinkers thrilled me with his insights and his wonderfully new take on the world.” —Malcolm Gladwell, author of Outliers and The Tipping Point

Originals is one of the most important and captivating books I have ever read, full of surprising and powerful ideas. It will not only change the way you see the world; it might just change the way you live your life. And it could very well inspire you to change your world.” —Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook and author of Lean In

With Give and Take, Adam Grant not only introduced a landmark new paradigm for success but also established himself as one of his generation’s most compelling and provocative thought leaders. InOriginals he again addresses the challenge of improving the world, but now from the perspective of becoming original: choosing to champion novel ideas and values that go against the grain, battle conformity, and buck outdated traditions. How can we originate new ideas, policies, and practices without risking it all?

Using surprising studies and stories spanning business, politics, sports, and entertainment, Grant explores how to recognize a good idea, speak up without getting silenced, build a coalition of allies, choose the right time to act, and manage fear and doubt; how parents and teachers can nurture originality in children; and how leaders can build cultures that welcome dissent. Learn from an entrepreneur who pitches his start-ups by highlighting the reasons not to invest, a woman at Apple who challenged Steve Jobs from three levels below, an analyst who overturned the rule of secrecy at the CIA, a billionaire financial wizard who fires employees for failing to criticize him, and a TV executive who didn’t even work in comedy but saved Seinfeld from the cutting-room floor. The payoff is a set of groundbreaking insights about rejecting conformity and improving the status quo.

Five wishes

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An encounter at a party changed Gay Hendricks forever. A stranger asked him to imagine himself on his deathbed and to consider this question:

“Was your life a complete success?” If not, then “What would be the things you’d wish had happened that would have made it a success?” Hendricks said his deepest wish was for a loving, lasting relationship with a woman. The stranger said, “turn that wish into a goal, and put it in the present tense.” On the spot, Hendricks came up with this goal, “I enjoy a happy marriage with a woman I adore and who adores me. I enjoy a lifelong blossoming of passion and creativity with her.” This goal helped him create his marriage to Kathlyn, the date he’d taken to the party, and during the past 27 years they’ve become well-known relationship experts and co-authors of 9 books together. This short, focused book shows readers how to discover their own five wishes for a fulfilled life.
Angela Loeb

Five wishes is a wonderful book. Books CAN change lives, and this one did that for me. Today I sat down to think about what my five wishes are. I am still not completely sure what they should be, but I am starting to get an idea:

  1. Doing research on EMDR
  2. I love my boyfriend and am building a life with him
  3. Continuing writing my book and publishing it
  4. Writing songs
  5. I enjoy helping others and will interview people about kind things they have done

This list must still be worked on, but I am getting there. The next step is to pinpoint how I can continue following my dreams, and what I should focus on first.

What are YOUR five wishes?

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I highly recommend this book

More:

My kindness project

Five wishes

One of the songs I have performed on “Smule”