Do you know that feeling when you just have to write, write and write until you feel calm and normal again?
How it makes your head clearer, and less noisy? How expressing it to yourself or others with speech does not work?
I was never good at expressing myself. I had the tendency to tell a story with thousand associations that made it impossible to follow my points. I tried to nervously knit words together, but failed.
When I wrote, words finally expressed what I wanted to say. It made sense, not only to me, but to others as well. Today I think this has to do with how we need to connect logic with emotions. When I try to say something, while feeling nervous at the same time, nervousness wins, and halts the effortless stream of consciousness.
It is almost like riding a bike; If you suddenly get nervous and start to doubt if you actually remembered how to keep your balance, you might fall. The interesting thing is, I know this from experience ! When I was in Vietnam, I tried to take part in a nice bike tour through beautiful fields. It was the first time I rode a bike in years, so I felt unsteady from the start. This actually led to a comic situation!I managed to drive into a hole on a huge road with many opportunities to avoid it. Why? Because I was nervous about it. I thought: Must avoid a crisis. Must NOT steer into the hole!
And suddenly: There I was: Tumbling down the hillside together with my bike! The result was bewilderment, laughter and grass in my hair, and it illustrates my point: I must feel calm and them I can express whatever I want.
This is post number 400. I like the feeling that tickles me, when I think about that. I`ve managed to write a lot, about everything from my work to personal experiences. I`ve reblogged some posts that I needed to share, and even ventured into unknown territories by writing about politics and other subjects were my knowledge is on a hypothetical level.
I love science, but i also love personal stories and the magic of small moments that can`t be researched. Science and the magic of personal experiences, is what makes life exciting. We need some general schemas (science helps with that) but they don`t work if we don`t test them. What good is knowing that something is bad or wonderful, if you never felt those emotions?
I am so glad I have seen both good and bad, ugly and pretty, and challenged myself by exploring different belief systems.
I love to not know things, even when it scares me.
This was an uncommonly reflective post. Its one of those times where you just have to write and write, without stopping. It`s one of those times when you feel alive and calm at the same time.
This was my post number 400! Hope you enjoyed it.
Thanks to all my followers for reading and commenting. I truly appreciate it.